read the whole comic at the source.
I found this a few months ago and it never ceases to make me cry, every single time, because I feel this way for all of my trans friends.
You deserve better. All of you. You deserve so much better.
My sister-In-Law’s Blog she’s an amazing person and I felt that this needed to be shared. Enjoy
So back when I was tiny child of nineteen years and in my first semester at a big university (I’d transferred from community college), I was thrust into a gay scene by my roommate, who was a lesbian and very involved with the large homopopulation that existed there. I was grateful. It was so much fun to be around similar people. One delectable evening spent with two lesbians and two gay men, the issue of homophobia came up. We were all in agreement that it sucked. We hated that the only place in the country to even get a civil union was Vermont. (This statement absolutely dates me.)
Then the conversation took a sharp turn when one of the gay men said, “At least people are comfortable with lesbians. People hate gay guys. Hate them! They want to beat us up, they don’t want their kids with us, and they’re disgusted by us. At least being a lesbian is easier.” My initial reaction was so incredibly mixed and confused, I froze and went silent. (This is unusual for me.) Yeah, people are meaner to gay guys. Maybe it is harder to be one than to be a lesbian! But, no, wait..
I couldn’t assemble my thoughts. I had a creeping feeling in the back of my mind that this argument was not true, but I didn’t know what to say about the cultural treatment of gay men vs. lesbians. I thought about it for hours, for days. Then it hit me: No. No, it isn’t easier to be a lesbian.
The things he went on to say about lesbians:
- People think they’re sexy, not disgusting.
- Guys want to sleep with lesbians, or at least watch them sleep together.
- Lesbian sex is revered.
But why? Because they really like lesbians? Or because lesbians have gotten the same treatment as all women in general? And should lesbians be pleased with that? I say hell no. I say the patriarchy became reeeeeeally threatened by the mere idea of lesbianism, a lifestyle that inherently excludes men on several key bases. (I.E. Romantically, sexually.) So it found a way to insert itself (wow, patriarchy puns unintended) by making lesbian sex (which is, again, the only way the patriarchy sees women, especially gay ones) all about men. Lesbian sex is done to excite men, right? Lesbian sex joke on a sitcom! Lesbian sex joke in that movie! It’s not even a fetish anymore, because liking it has become so mainstream.
But that’s one arm of the problem: Lesbians cannot be viewed as more tolerated or accepted by the culture at large because they are hypersexualized and objectified. In fact, that’s some hard hate right there. When you’re no longer a person, you cannot be tolerated or accepted.
Arm two? I thought about the reasons he gave me for why people hate gay men so much:
- They’re effeminate. (He said “faggy”, but I’ll go my own way.)
- They are penetrated during sex.
- They are generally thought of as less “manly” than straight men, even if a straight guy is kind of effeminate and you compare him with a big, burly gay guy: The straight guy is instantly thought of as manlier.
So I couldn’t wait to have a conversation with that friend again, and if anyone makes the same claim as he did, you could just toss it out there: The hatred of gay men is based on the hatred of women and lesbians are treated as punchlines and jerk-off material, so how beloved does anyone in there feel? Are lesbians more tolerated or accepted than gay men? Or are they on two different but equally horrible boats? And the visceral hate directed at gay men—where does that come from?